Matt Damon: "Matt Damon".

-

Haven't seen everything.
Gary: A flying limo? Now I've seen everything.
Spottswoode: Have you ever seen a man eat his own head?
Gary: What? No!
Spottswoode: So you *haven't* seen everything.

Cairo.
Joe: Cairo... that's in Egypt.

Spottswoode: "Gary this is a dangerous mission. If you happen to get captured, suicide may be the more humane option. Here take this" [hands Gary a hammer]

Jihad.
"I was just a boy when the infidels came in their black hawk helicopters. The infidels fired at the oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah. Burning oil rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched. I could only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed by the firey black liquid death. In the midst of the chaos I could swear that I heard my goats screaming for help. As quickly as they had come the infidels were gone. It was on that day I put a jihad on them. And if you don't believe it you better kill me now cause I'll put a jihad on you."

-

Terrorist: You have balls. I like balls.

I'll never die.
Lisa: Promise me you will never die
Gary: You know I can't promise that
Lisa: Promise me you will never die and I will sleep with you right now!
Gary: I will never die!

There are 3 kind of people.
"See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit! "

I miss you and Pearl Harbor sucks.
"I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark, When he made Pearl Harbor. / I miss you more then that movie missed the point, And that's an awful lot girl. / And now, now you've gone away, And all I'm trying to say, Is Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school, He was terrible in that film. / I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part, He's way better then Ben Affleck. / And now all I can think about is your smile, and that shitty movie too, Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you. / Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies? / I guess Pearl Harbor sucked, Just a little bit more then I miss you."

Lonely Kim Jong.
Kim Jong Il: "I'm so Ronery / So ronery / So ronery and sadry arone / There's no one / Just me onry / Sitting on my rittle throne / I work very hard to be number one guy / but, stiwr there's no one to right up my rife / Seems rike no one takes me serirousry / And so, I'm ronery / A rittle ronery / Poor rittle me / There's no one I can rerate to / Feewr rike a biwd in a cage / It's kinda siwry / but, not reawry / because, it's fiwring my body with rage / I'm the smartest, most crever, most physicawry fit / but, none of the women seem to give a shit / Maybe someday, they'wr awr notice me / And untiwr then, I'wr be ronery / Yeah, a rittle ronery / Poor rittle me..."

3 kind of people here.
"We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck a asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate. And it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are a inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy crazy world, but I do know this. If you don't let us fuck this asshole we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit."

Matt Damon.
Matt Damon: "Matt Damon!".